Lessons & Successes: Summer 2019

Hey y'all! Wow, it's been a while since I've seen you here and that's mostly because it's been a while since I have been here. Glad you're back and ready to roll. I know I'll have some pretty great stuff ahead but for now, I just want to catch you up with what's been going through my head.

I believe in being transparent. I know the toll social media has. I know that you only see the parts of people's lives that they want you to see. And because I know this, I want y'all to see all of the good, the bad, and the ugly of my life and the beautiful and kind parts too. The point is - I never want to try to be something I am not. There is a famous saying "fake it til you make it." Which is cool and all butttt I had a friend who once told me that she faked it til she made it so much that she was faking herself out. She then told me of her come to Jesus experience she had to have with herself to realize that not being okay is okay.

Earlier this year, I got an opportunity that I had been seeking. It was a job opportunity to work in a cosmetic lab. Although I had always dreamed of doing this, combining my love for all things beauty and skin care with my love of science, it wasn't actually what I had expected. This job became a draining situation for myself. Between my rigorous engineering courses and this job I slowly began to suffocate my creative flow. I have always been a very creative person. But whenever I got to college I had this mission, I wanted to be a "Woman of STEM." And for anyone who doesn't know what STEM is, it simply stands for Science Technology Engineering and Mathematics. I thought I would not be taken serious if I did not pursue something within those categories.

My first year of college was one of the best years of my life! It was so fun. I remember absolutely loving my first ever engineering class that fall, and the second one that spring too! I had an "I Can Do It" mindset and no one was changing me. My determination trumped any other feeling I had. It trumped my doubts (sometimes they fought back hard though), it trumped my fears, it trumped other's opinions of what I should be doing, it even trumped my own happiness when considered.

This week I am going into my junior year of biological engineering at Louisiana State University. It's the nitty-gritty. It means I am pretty much half way done. Which is awesome but confusing.

I don't know if you've noticed but I sure have, I didn't blog all summer. My sophomore year I started this blog to keep those creative juices flowing despite being surrounded by math and science constantly. After one year in engineering, I could tell that without being creative I would not be happy. Engineering gives me the potential to be creative but in the process of schooling it can be very exhausting. This summer was full of great experiences in laboratories, in my summer course, and in the professional world. But it had me wonder what am I actually purposed for? I have struggled with this for a while. I think it is the most common human struggle - finding purpose. But I just thought I should be honest with you guys. This struggle doesn't seem like that big of a deal to most.

"Oh, you're so young."

"You've got plenty of time to figure it out."

"Lots of people change their major or their career path, it's fine."

But this struggle has consumed my mind all summer and it has kept me from doing things I love such as writing and creating. I wanted to share this experience not only to be transparent with people but to also say that struggles are bound to happen but we don't have to stay bound to them.

I am not making any dramatic changes like my major... #GeauxEngineering! Because I truly believe that the Lord has me in the best department at LSU. I also believe He will use me where He wants me in His timing. But I am saying that you should not be like me and allow a decision you're struggling with, a temptation you're struggling with, a relationship you're struggling with, or anything else to hold you back from your full potential.

Sometimes the struggles we think are struggles aren't actually struggles... I think you should read that again.

I think that sometimes we get distracted by decisions, sins, people, and other things in our life to keep us from unlocking that full potential with the Lord and those around us. All summer I have been struggling with ~ purpose ~ but really it doesn't matter if I am an engineer or a doctor or a hairstylist because ultimately God is going to use you wherever you choose to be. He is God and He isn't limited by your choices, we aren't that powerful.

I wrote this not just to be transparent but in hopes that this encourages someone to put down their anxiety. I know this summer has been tough for me. I beat myself up about not being able to write because of school and work. But the reality was I needed a break. So I hope you'll give me grace as we walk through highs and lows together. Thank you for supporting this blog and helping me stay creative through this past year.